Matthew Ha

As I write this, Cory is sound asleep next to me. It's just one of those nights where I can't sleep because thoughts are ricocheting around in my brain like a stray bullet. That, and Cory's snoring doesn't help either. The bullet thoughts are relentless though. Maybe I need medication...
What am I gonna wear tomorrow?
Is there enough Chai in the kitchen?
Did I water my flowers in Animal Crossing?
When does Mad Men season 6 go on Netflix?
I need a haircut.
I need to get something for Cory's snoring.
How many cigarettes do I have left?
That lady at Target looked at me funny. I should have said something.
Did I renew my Xbox Live account membership?

My stomach looks pudgy. I think it's a food baby. One of the nice things about being in a relationship with someone who is attracted to you (me) is confirmation that you're (I'm) not ugly and you're (I'm) the hottest person in the world. I think the same about Cory that he thinks about me. Being in the first meaningful relationship I've ever had with someone for this long has really opened my eyes to things. Being with someone in such close quarters for a long time kind of drives you crazy but that's what draws you closer. I think it's all the speed bumps and parking tickets you get on the road of life are responsible for bringing you closer to people around you.
(That sounded a lot more polished in my head) You know what I mean.
I feel so much closer to this person snoring like a hibernating animal next to me.
I love him so much, I never want to leave him. That kind of reality that you love somebody so much to the point that separation would destroy you is stunning and magnificent.

I love what Frances in Frances Ha talks about what she wants in a relationship:


If you haven't seen this film yet, you need to. I believe they just put it on Netflix recently. So if you have an account, go watch it. If you were/are a fan of the film The Squid and the Whale or just a fan of anything from Noah Baumbach, then you'll love Frances Ha. It's basically a modernized coming of age story told in a very relevant light; Being independent is hard but exciting and can even be the highlight of your life. Not only figuring out what you want to do but also who you want to become. I feel very much like Frances. I'm putting my life together just like her.

Above all else, it's for sure taught me responsibility. If not just being in a relationship, then being on my own has taught me things. Those things called bills (the things your parents talked about together but never talked about with you) are real. Yes. You actually have to pay other people for services that you need. It's a pain but it's life. Of course I would rather go out, spend my money, and finally get my copy of COD: Ghosts but I can't so I shant. (Money is a whole 'nother topic)

I'm excited to be this adult I've always dreamed of being. Being with somebody I love and who loves me. Somebody who is never going to leave me. I can't wait for the future. It's big and bright and full of opportunity. I just need to pay off my parking tickets and drive slower over those speed bumps before I get there.